Letting Go Lent Meditation by Alaina Harrison

Growing up, I was a perfectionist and I prided myself in rising above the standards and expectations that were set for me. Before I knew it, I had set goals for my life based on what other people would approve or like for me to achieve. I'm a people pleaser; I am hard on myself; and I struggle when I feel I've disappointed others. (Tell me you're the eldest daughter without telling me you're the eldest daughter).

What complicated this even more was that this is the message I felt was being affirmed within church culture growing up. I became the epitome of the servant. This isn't bad in and of itself, of course! But along the way, I left behind my own self - my dreams, needs, and desires - to make sure everyone else had achieved their dreams. The day I realized that this version of myself is not what God intended was freeing.

One of my favorite Old Testament stories is when Hagar is in the desert with Ishmael and God appears to her and she gives the first name to God: El Roi, the God who sees me (Genesis 16:13). I can never begin to imagine what being in that situation was like for Hagar, but that statement calls out to me: God sees ME. Not the version of me that I had created for myself out of other people's expectations. God sees me in the fullness of who I am, who I want to be, what I dream and desire.

In her book "The Gifts of Imperfection," Brene Brown writes: "authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are." It was time for me to let go of who I perceived that I should be and begin living fully into who God had created me to be. God is ok with me making mistakes. God is ok with me choosing a life different from what others might have for me. Disappointing others for the sake of following God's version of me is ok. This version of letting go has brought me more fully aligned with the image of God within me.